Most of us know how to speak. Many of us have never learned how to communicate.

Recognize that clear, accurate and understandable verbal and non-verbal language is essential for a successful, happy and lasting marriage.

Top 10 Tips to Communicate Clearly and Effectively:

  1. There are two sides to every communication – the one who sends the communication (Sender), and the one who receives the communication (Receiver).
  2. There are two methods of communication: Verbal and non-verbal communication. Don’t forget – just because you may not be speaking, doesn’t mean you are not saying something. Often, not saying something can be more important than saying something.
  3. There are 5 behaviors to avoid because they don’t forward being understood.
  • Justifying
  • Blaming
  • Being a Victim
  • Seeking Approval
  • Hinting by Asking Questions

These behaviors cause confusion and misunderstandings and never move a conversation forward to a mutually satisfying conclusion.

  1. Speak from the “I” position. “I” language is very useful for helping you assertively and accurately express what is going on inside you and express scary or negative feelings or thoughts to someone else.
  2. Every “I’ message communication has 3 parts:
  • A feeling or a request;
  • A factual description of the situation or event; and
  • The impact, effect or result it has/had on you.

Example: I felt angry when I came home and you were not ready to go. It is important to me to be able to rely on what you say to me, and it is hard for me when you don’t do what you say you will.

Example: I felt (1) angry when I (2) came home and you were not ready to go. It is important to me to be able to rely on what you say to me, and it (3) is hard for me (to rely on what you say) when you don’t do what you say you will.

  1. Be direct, use simple and clear words and be specific.
  2. Sharing your thoughts and feelings is a productive way to convey your grievances and objections when your desires and needs go unmet.
  3. Request a change after you have aired your complaint.
  4. Avoid criticizing your partner. Period! Criticizing is a desire expressed with negative energy. Criticizing is complaining gone awry.
  5. Express your angry feelings respectfully and responsibly. Anger is a normal and natural feeling state. The impulse to attack is hostility, and the behavior of attacking is violence. 

 

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!      

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com